I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
