Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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