My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
