Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
