How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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