I cockslap morals
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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