I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How external is "for external use only"?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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