i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My life is pants optional.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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