Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
