So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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