Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
