Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
