What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
