his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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