if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
