i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
