She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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