It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
