and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
