Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
