If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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