Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have fence marks all over my body
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
