No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
