I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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