Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
