Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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