On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
