I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
