Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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