Have you finally orgasmed yet?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
