I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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