Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
