tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize