Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
