could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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