We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
