so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
