im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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