I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
