I smell stomach acid.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
