do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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