wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
