she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
