you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
