hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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