Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
