so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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