dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
