we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
