quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
