God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
