why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
