Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
