My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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