You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
