He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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