I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
