You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
