I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
