We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
