my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
