birth control should be required to get into college
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
