When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
