I'm gonna have a badass scar
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
