my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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