Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
