seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
