Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
