I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
