I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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