You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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