She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
