If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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