party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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