2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We're facebook friends in real life
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
