That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
