sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize