You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
