Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He felt like a one man threesome
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
